It's the Great Pumpkin, Tim McGee
by dnachemlia
Summary: Written for the NFA Myths and Legends Challenge. Crack!Fic. While investigating a crime scene, McGee stumbles upon something very strange…and rather annoying.


It's the Great Pumpkin, Tim McGee

Written for the NFA Myths and Legends Challenge

Genre: Supernatural/Crack!fic Based on a real legend. Yes, really.

Characters: Tim and the rest.

Warnings: Silliness. Set in season 4.

Disclaimer: Don't own, just playing, yadda yadda. This is what happens to my muse when I don't get enough sleep.

Summary: While investigating a crime scene, McGee stumbles upon something very strange…and rather annoying.

* * *

January 6, 2007

Tony guided the MCRT truck to a halt and the three members of the team in the front seat climbed out. The trio was soon joined by the team leader, the M.E, and his assistant and the group made their way up the stone path to the front of the large, ramshackle farmhouse. The house itself was set in the middle of a large plot of land, and the neighboring houses were sparse. It seemed a strange place for a Navy lieutenant to live, but the team had seen far stranger living arrangements over the years.

Lieutenant Jankovic had been found by his wife when she returned home from work and she had promptly called the police, who had in turn contacted NCIS. The man's body lay on the front steps, blood pooled under his head, and his eyes wide open. The startled expression of fear on his face told a bit more about the incident which led to his demise than the team had first expected. Ducky began to examine the body while the rest of the team spread out to survey the scene.

McGee carefully walked towards the back of the house, checking for signs of an assailant. The recent weather had been uncharacteristically warm and the ground was soft, but it bore no sign of footprints. Tim did find some strange looking ruts in the ground, wide and shallow, and he photographed those, hoping to find something that might account for them later.

He continued on his trek which brought him to an old barn, set back about fifty yards from the house. Several rusty farming implements were leaning against the side of the building, and the rather large pumpkin that sat next to the main door gave the place a Halloween-like atmosphere. McGee shook his head in amusement. He could just imagine Tony's reaction to this reminder of the man's least favorite holiday.

McGee made a circuit of the building before heading back towards the house. There was no indication that anyone else had been on the property recently, so he decided to go back and focus on the house itself. He had made it only a few yards when he heard a menacing growl and froze. He hadn't seen evidence of a dog before, but maybe this was one that had just wandered by in a bad mood. McGee slowly turned toward the sound, only to find that he was alone.

Well, not exactly. The pumpkin that had previously been right next to the barn door was now only a few feet away.

_What the hell? _He shook his head. _Tony must be playing pranks again. If I ignore it maybe he'll give it up._

He turned away from the barn and once again started back towards the house, only to hear the growl return. He spun around and saw the pumpkin was now right behind him. What really drew his attention, however, was the long shallow rut that extended from the barn to the pumpkin itself, eerily similar to the marks he had found closer to the house.

_No way…_

This had to be a trick of some sort. McGee bent down to examine the oversized fruit and noticed strange red lines stretching across the surface of its rind. _Weird. That almost looks like—_

"What are you doing, Probie?"

He glanced over his shoulder and saw Tony standing several yards away.

"Nothing." He stood and started to walk towards the other agent when the expression on Tony's face made him pause. "What's wrong?"

"That, uh…pumpkin is following you."

"Yeah, right, tell me-." Suddenly he felt something hit the back of his leg and he heard another growl. He stumbled away and turned to find the pumpkin rolling towards him, its growl even louder.

He pulled out his gun and pointed it at the overgrown cucurbit. It stopped.

_OK, that's it. I've finally lost my mind._

He backed away from it and didn't stop until he reached the place where Tony was standing. As the two men watched, the pumpkin slowly started to roll towards them. They looked at each other and turned to run, only to be met by Ziva.

"What are you doing?" Before they could answer, she looked past them and let out a small gasp. "Where did you find that?"

"I think it found McGee first," answered Tony.

"But that is a …I did not think they existed outside the Balkans."

"_What_ existed?"

"I will be right back." She turned and ran back to the house.

"Great." They returned their attention to the strange sight in front of them. It continued to growl as it rolled back and forth, occasionally making a move towards the two men before backing away.

After what seemed like hours Ziva returned, followed by Ducky and Palmer. Ducky approached the pumpkin with an excited yet curious expression.

"Fascinating. I never expected to see one myself."

"One _what_?" asked McGee.

He waved away the question. "At least we have another piece of the puzzle. Come along, Mr. Palmer. Jethro has the water ready."

"Wait, water for what?"

An hour later the team started at the steaming remains of the boiled, scrubbed and burned pumpkin (and broom).

"And that, my friends," said Ducky "is why you should dispose of your pumpkins well before Christmas."

"O-okay, let me get this straight," stammered McGee. "Because Jankovic let…_that_ sit out ten days past Christmas, it turned into a-."

"Vampire pumpkin. Unfortunately for Lieutenant Jankovic, it appears that this fellow startled him, causing him to fall backwards and hit his head on the steps. I guess they can be deadly after all."

After packing up their equipment and the unfortunate Lieutenant, the team climbed into their respective vehicles and headed back to the Yard. As they drove off, McGee just couldn't help himself. He looked at his partners and grinned.

"Anyone in the mood for pumpkin pie?"

THE END

* * *

Legend source: T.P. Vukanovic, "The Vampire." Published in the _Journal of the Gypsy Lore Society (1957)_ in four parts.


End file.
